You, sir, deserve lots of medals.

Ohh awesome

The ADHD side of me will probably prevent me from using it regularly, but I love the interface. I'm learning react native at the moment, do you mind me asking what kind of technology you used?

It's a pleasure to serve, sir.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YgjiOKZLP8

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edit - I'm ever so grateful for the awards, I was not expecting and also because I messed up when I rendered the video, I am posting the improved version or V2 as you wish, I'll be humble and keep the messed up as well as I can't stop laughing from my stupidity.

The re-rendered video with the correct timed audio is on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m567N-fX8dg

Absolutely, I mean it is the chicken and the egg dilemma again, I guess it is impossible to tell who came first, that is most of the time, it usually comes in a package, very rarely it's like they are very distant relatives who never met and don't get along, for example, I get in what I like to call, hyperdrive mode, meaning I'm so hyperactive at this moment that I'm like a bullet leaving the barrel and going supersonic and nothing else matters other than me speaking my mind and it's like I'm on meth, but then along comes the crash, that's when the bullet hits the target except it was bulletproof glass, that's when usually the person I'm talking to ends the conversation or demands some sort of social interaction, which I suck at unless I'm talking about my interests, that's the point I start becoming socially awkward and become aware of the fact that I'm talking to the person but I'm not even close to be looking them in the eyes, so anxiety kicks in and I get overwhelmed to the point I get sensory overload and BAM I crash, that usually means I lost track of reality and I walk away from the conversation with no explanation or if I can't physically walk away, I shut down and won't talk anymore.

I'm not your age I'm 27, but from what you mentioned I believe I had been in a pretty similar situation, I've been diagnosed now and I was 18/19 when I first looked into ADHD (was diagnosed as a kid but parents never looked into it) it's a combo of ASD and ADHD though, I love programming and technology, I studied engineering, anyway feel free to message if you want to hear a bit about my experience if I can be of any help feel free to drop an inbox.

If I attend a party, emphasis on the if, I am usually the one who simply walks away mid-conversation, when drugs/alcohol are involved, I would find a place and just sleep. There are 2 variables in my system, ASD and ADHD, ASD makes my mind function at hyper speed and gets me fidgety, while together with ASD it will make my brain not filter any noise, bright colours, smells, sensory stuff and then ASD kicks in, I get anxious, overwhelmed and eventually shut down, meaning I will navigate the venue erratically until I calm down and the cycle repeats only to break when someone mentions my special interest and oooh boy, they will both combine forces like the power rangers and well it's all downhill, nobody talks and I keep screaming from the top of my lungs, basically info-dumping to the winds, so that's why I just learnt to turn down invites most of the time.

Yes, agreed. I'm sorry to hear you feel stuck as well, I couldn't wish that to anyone.

You know, you're right, I totally agree with you I was doing that when I thought I had a chance in moving on if I did it. But now that COVID struck, I've been working from home and this is just eating me alive, there's too much effort to put into it and at the end of the day, I can't focus on what I enjoy doing, my brain is a total mess, all I can do is complain to my wife. Sometimes I simply cry after a conversation with a customer, generally if it was too demanding. I got shouted at multiple times and then brought it to my leaders/managers were told that there is a tool to help with that, to my surprise the only thing the "tool" does is show you a text telling me not to take it personally, I don't, but guess what being abused by someone because they're angry at the company you work for is still abuse, in a different context, if someone is beating you up (it just escalated too quickly, anyway) because your parents did something to them, you are still being beaten up and unless you can do something about it, don't tell people to just take it.

Plus with COVID nobody ever cared if we followed measures if we were safe if we were in danger by being face to face with a customer without a mask or protection until the regulators released a note saying companies would be fine 10k if they were no compliant, so.

After all that I have little to none will to damage my mental health and my relationship, I'll just suck it up and keep working and doing the best I can without damaging my mental health, until they dismiss me on grounds of not performing as they wish, hopefully, they'll dismiss me with something stupid and I can prove they were told about my condition but never listen which makes me protected under the disability act and I will have a legal case. But for now, I have no other choice.

I wish the best of luck to you as well, I hope COVID bs will end soon and we can think about moving on.

Hey, no that's ok, maybe I should've kept to myself and stop pointing things randomly when I feel I need to put something out, it's totally fine I just hope you don't take it personally as I just wanted to say I've been on both sides and wanted you to point out the perspective for someone who's on the opposite side of what you said and don't worry I didn't take it personally.

Honestly just rant away, it's your opinion and I do appreciate it. I probably suck at comprehending what was said and should read the comments a lot more times before posting an essay dumping my whole brain, but well yeah I guess it is indeed one of the traits that come with the disorder.

As a former self-diagnosed and now in the process of getting a formal diagnose (I'm just waiting for the paper, long story short it took long because my therapist was not keen on assessing, she would lose the patient and I would be left to deal alone with no therapy, so she waited and referred me when I would have the possibility to be handed over to a specialised clinic through the public health system in the UK)

I can see your point, yes we are unable to formally diagnose ourselves because we weren't trained to do that. But being on both sides I have to say that not everybody was lucky enough to be diagnosed as a child, for example in my case, I figured I was diagnosed with ADHD and my doctors suggested being evaluated for ASD when I was around 5, but my mum thought that they were only a hoax to get kids into medication, and upon talking to my father and researching every bit of information about ASD I took the leap to get diagnosed. It took me 7 years from the first glimpse of curiosity about ASD and 27 years of struggling till I wasn't afraid anymore to believe and talk to family and friends, but then I realised everybody in my life is simply relieved because they all thought it was the case, but nobody dared to mention.

Anyway, my point is that there are people just seeking attention who won't care and will exaggerate what they feel, but I have yet to come across a post from a proclaimed self-diagnosed person that seems to be exaggerating, I speak for myself only, but the day I spoke to my psychiatrist and I left the room with him telling me to not worry that I would be able to get professional help and that they will be there to support me and get me the help I need, I spent the rest of the day crying, because all these years struggling, suffering and getting told off by my wife multiple times telling me to stop with the subject because if I am on the spectrum than everybody is and I was right, I needed help and I wasn't exaggerating I was struggling and that had a name.

I just wanted to tell you that not everybody is exaggerating and honestly, it's not glamorous, it's debilitating it's horrible to struggle sometimes with things that are so simple yet so painful, it kills me that I am so blunt that I made my wife cry multiple times because I just couldn't pretend to like a gift she bought me, After all, it wasn't what I was expecting to get but I never intended to hurt her. Anyways here are my 2 cents

Yeah, I can't blame them because that's what they're paid to do, I mean the system is broken that's for sure we just need to comply. But im with you on this one, that's the real purpose, I just wished they were honest about it and tell the truth, not lie about some bs of how we want you to progress because if that was the case, I wouldn't be in a customer-facing position with an engineering degree and programming knowledge.

Well, it is indeed bs, I keep wondering if someone will answer those questions and be like: "hell no, I've no skills for this job, yet I want to keep it." I'm pretty sure nobody is honestly answering but who knows, in the end, that is all to stick up your arse and dismiss you by saying you stated you had the skills so you lied because you don't, your performance contradicted you so you're a liar. I've seen it happen to a couple of people and well I'm in disciplinary action because I refused to push and sell stuff to people who are struggling financially, but it still all about the customer as long as they're bringing money.

Amazing, I never realised I could see it from this perspective, if anything I'm getting paid to practice social skills it does make sense and yes if it is what it takes for me to manage to find something I enjoy doing in the long run, I guess it might pay off.

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I'm looking for a way out I just can't drop it now and yes it is terrible culture, they seem to believe it is great culture but in the end, they kind of brainwash people into accepting it as a good thing, I guess it used to be a great place to work in the past from the stories I've been told, but it seems like no one is actually satisfied anymore and company culture shifted to milking every last drop of employees good faith and skills. Unfortunately yes, it is terrible with sensory overload, I've got all sorts of issues from there, but well I guess I've no option in the present moment.

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I'm working on an app I've had the idea to built I might be able to work on it full time, I'm thinking about going back to university, I'm weighing the possibilities the only certainty is that as soon as I can afford I'm out, even if it is for a different customer service job in a company where the culture is less toxic. Covid is a bitch and I guess I'll have to suck on that one for a couple more months, but well I've stuck with it for 2 years so far (half of it because of covid) so it is just a waiting game now.

It is meant to evaluate you on your skills, which is fair, while at the same time being ambiguous because how do I measure my level of empathy? And how do I know? I kind of need to keep the job until everything is back to normal at least, so yes I guess keep masking until I can't anymore and hope for the best, I've been doing my entire life, it's just... I'm just tired of it. But yeah I keep performing the least uncomfortable way and eventually, I'll probably get sacked over my lack of "fit" for the job, I'll keep hoarding money preparing for it.

I can't thank you enough for your comment.

I'm so stressed out lately and my life has been a struggle (grandma died a couple of days ago and I couldn't fly to visit my family due to covid). I have studied 5 years of engineering only to land in a customer service job, which I abominate, I tried enjoying it, pretending I like it, masking my way onto it, but the fact is that I hate it, I much rather be doing something else, I just feel like im wasting my life and my potential. But yes you're right, in the end, it is an exchange and if I'm not a fit for it then definitely I need to find something else. Covid is done I am gone from that place. It's just not for me.

I don't tend to take it personally, but the way they put it is terrible, my leaders will usually tell me that I'm doing a great job and I do everything I was asked for plus I'm a great problem solver and that I usually get things sorted and the customer ends up happy but it still doesn't matter because this isn't great service as there is too much "awkward silence" that's just contradicting at least that's how I see it. Anyway, as I said not the job for me, only at the moment I can't afford to leave, plus my wife just lost her job for Covid.

Another thing that baffles me is the fact that apparently, we need to be very mindful of customers vulnerabilities, but when it comes to employees, it doesn't matter. I voiced it over to my managers and HR a year ago about my condition as I asked for "reasonable" accommodations due to my ADHD and also being on the spectrum, I was only just asking to be able to have the ability to take a break once in a while to use the toilet, note that I don't smoke and my colleagues who smoke are always ok to take 5 minutes to smoke, so I ended up having constant panic attacks and anxiety crisis due to this, as once I had to be sitting down dealing with customers none stop from 9 in the morning till 3:30 p.m., no lunch break and me voicing it only resulted in a disciplinary action due to lack of ability to do my work after I made multiple mistakes that I'm certainly sure it was due to my PTSD acquired after I was told, I don't speak English and I should fuck off back to my country, I speak English since I was 6 and everyone thinks I'm Australian because of my funny accent, the person also attacked me for being white and blonde, people can say whatever about racism but I was shocked to hear that but it was so aggressive and it was a clear attack. When I voiced my issue I was told not to worry because it wasn't personal, which was because that same customer was back multiple times and treated everybody else very nicely except for me, so they told me nothing could be done and I should just get over it, I did, after 1.5 Yeats of therapy and I still can't speak to customers without having extreme anxiety crisis, I'm shaking the whole time while talking.

Also was made fun of and laughed at because I was asked about my religion and I answered I don't believe in god or any religions, again when I voiced that nothing was done because it was ok to do that.

I don't want to take it personally, I guess my struggles are getting in the way of my reasoning, I don't want anything to be done about I would just feel happy that I raised my concerns one more time and would be glad if it makes a difference to someone with the same issue in the future, so they don't have to go through what I went.

Thanks, I guess I didn't understand at first but, if im not wrong it is something to do with small talk perhaps? As it is unnecessary conversation people will engage just to be social. Which I agree as I can't stand, thanks for clarifying.

First of all, Happy cake day :)

Well, it does help me just, it's confirming that I am right about me not being a good fit for the job, if they meant that, then I'm screwed either way, because it seems like I try so hard but can never achieve the level they expect, so thank you for your comment.

The trouble is they are expecting us to build "trust" and connect with the customer and I guess im terrible at it, therefore im holding onto this job until covid is over and things get easier, but long term I'm moving on, it's just making me miserable.

The reason I want to voice to HR is because of other people who might come across it in the future because I believe they must think of neurodiversity and if they don't they shouldn't hire whoever lacks social skills, or give them a chance to thrive in a different environment, there are lots of things we can do and there's no shame for being bad at social situations, I guess being reprimanded for lacking it is killing me on the inside. I just need to stop nagging about it as it's paying my bills at the moment.

It usually happens the exact opposite to me, I am usually the one repeating myself because I just fail to organize my ideas in an easy to understand manner and I constantly struggle with understanding others because they expect me to "read" their emotions, which I fail at. I guess it is just my experience though. I'm not sure if it has something to do with my ADHD.

Well yes, I usually tell my wife I need "the thing", I constantly lose my keys or forget my wallet to only come back home and figure it was in my pocket the whole time. But I know exactly everything that we have in the fridge. I remember running around the house on my 1st birthday, I can describe any place I've been in with precision, I can tell you the name of my entire class when I was in primary school. For me, it's like whenever my brain is engaged in the task ahead, I will burn it forever into my memories, but when I'm just bobbing in my own made-up world, I don't even know there is an actual " real world".

It makes me happy to hear that people eventually got over it, you just made me smile. Thanks

Thank you ever so much for the compliment on my text, I always proofread them, it's a habit I acquired when I was at University, it just made my day that you noticed, I might've slipped some spelling/grammar mistakes that I didn't pick up on but seriously that meant a lot, thank you again.

What to say about Covid, Covid is a b&%*$, lost my grandma (not for Covid) but I can't fly to see my family and it just kills me that I don't even know when I'll be able to visit them. But overall I should be alright, it's always all right in the end. I'm making myself pancakes with a nice cup of coffee and will certainly melt and drizzle my favourite chocolate on top.

Thanks for reading the whole text.

Hi, yes, I'd love to, that would be lovely, at least keep my mind busy for a bit.