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Never gonna happen
#1 MotW
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If you were making a joke, it's a bad one and it didn't come through properly. If you genuinely think this is a good thing, you fuckin suck.
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Well...
#2 MotW
People in a relationship, please don't do this. It may give you a feeling of power to control your partner's emotions like this, but it's just manipulative and very uncooperative.
Just talk to each other like grownups