That is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.
Yeah kind of a blend there for sure
Trust me its even more heartbreaking when you destroy your child's happiness and relationships in the process.
I encouraged my son to play with the ostracized kid.
We had him round and my son went to his house to play.
The teachers picked up on this and put them together in every class, and pretty much insisted my son play with this kid at recess.
Within a couple of years, my son was being ostracized, was losing his friends and was thoroughly depressed and broken.
We moved him to another school to start over. Thankfully, he blossomed and made friends with decent emotionally stable, well rounded kids who are his friends for life now.
This did not make me smile
Me neither.I feel like a bit of an asshole saying it but parents need to be aware.
My advice with hindsight.
Similar but not as severe situation with my daughter. She is a kind soul and also quite smart. Two years in a row her teachers sat her in clusters with disruptive, hard to deal with kids because they knew my daughter would both be kind to them and help keep these kids on task. At first we were proud, then we realized that she wasn’t making any friends and was miserable.
Eventually we had to have a sit down with her teachers and explain that it wasn’t our daughter’s job to keep tabs on the difficult kids. It was a really crappy talk to have, but it was necessary and worth it.
I wish I had done that much earlier
How did the teachers respond? Did they acknowledge their crappy behavior and fix it?
They responded alright. Our approach was to voice our concern for our daughter’s well being due to her being isolated from her friends, not to call the teacher out for using our daughter as an extra aid in the classroom.
The teacher was sympathetic to that and had a new seating chart in relatively short order.
When my younger child was told to sit next to a troubled child, I went in as soon as I heard about it and spoke gently with the teacher.
She explained how good my daughter was with this child.
I reminded her what had happened to my son.
Right then and there, with me in the classroom, she told my daughter to move her desk. I was profoundly grateful but at the same time sad as it was a bit of an admission that the school were culpable in what happened to my son.
I had a somewhat similar situation where teachers and such would purposely place me in the same classes as my former best friend if they could for 4 years straight. I guess she told her counselor at some point I was the only person who kept her sane and could help her with science and English without her getting frustrated. I didn't mind it at the time since she was my former best friend, but it's really odd to me that teachers do that when I look back on it.
Friends for life, that sounds nice.
Pie also sounds nice, I like pie.
I just invited my son’s (8yr) whole class to his birthday next month and “forced” him to invite the “awkward” from the other class. The kid invited my son to his birthday last year even though they have never been in a class together or play regular... my son was confused why he got an invite but he went anyways.
I figure if I invite everyone that one kid who never gets invites will feel included for once. As a parent it’s heart breaking when a kid is upset other classmates got invited but not them.
Mind blowing to me that parents wouldn't invite every kid in a class (or at least every boy, every girl if it's a sleepover or something). I cant understand what kind of parent would exclude kids like that. I had a summer birthday and my mom still made me invite every girl in girl scouts (because I saw them in summer) and any girl that was, like, friend adjacent to those girls. Anyone who might feel left out otherwise.
That's a lot of people! When I was in primary school, kids usually only invited 6-8 people to their birthday party, and people were usually quite sweet to people who they would have liked to invite, but couldn't. "I'm really sorry, I do really like you but my mum said I can only have seven people this year... do you want to play with us at break time today?".
I get the idea behind inviting everyone, but we didn't really have the resources/place to hold a party for the entire class. Our kids had parties with 3 or 4 friends. You do what you can do.
Yeah I've never had/been to an all-class birthday party, I'd have like 30 people in my class and 5-10 at a party. Seems like it'd be a lot to have a whole class!
Yup. I was allowed to invite one person for every year I turned until I was eight I think. 30 kids would have killed my poor mother haha
This is what our kids’ pediatrician told us to do, because it keeps both birthday kid and their guests from getting overwhelmed.
Tbf, inviting thirty kids doesn't mean thirty kids will show up
that's one of the benefits i never thought of about having smaller classes! my school was really small (90 kids distributed between 6 grades, biggest class was 23 smallest was 3) so everyone got invited, when we were kids it was a declaration of war not to invite someone
That’s how my bullies ended up at my 10th birthday party. :(
I mean, there's also no reason to invite kids your own kid doesn't know. Like, it's still their birthday, not yours or any other kid's, so I don't really get the logic behind inviting people they might not feel comfortable interacting with. When I was in elementary school, I only invited my friends to my birthday parties and other kids would do the same. I never felt offended not being invited by some guy I'd never spoken to who wasn't my friend. (Of course it's a different story if your kid wants to invite the whole class but one person, then yeah, I'd say invite them as well.)
I mean, I live in NY where the class sizes can go up to like 32 students (usually around 24 max). So as great as inclusion is, I can’t blame a parent for not wanting that many kids running around, especially if they live in a smaller home with a small (or nonexistent) yard
Birthday parties aren't so cheap (at least in my country) so I think it is kind of normal to invite only your best friends. But when I had birthdays parties I always tried to invite everyone (usually I couldn't, because as I said, birthday parties aren't cheap). Anyways, I stopped having birthdays parties, because, honestly, they aren't worth it. I prefer to just eat a cake with my family and use the money (that I would use to make a birthday party) to buy something I like.
At about ten for each kid, I told them they could have a birthday party or the cash I spent on the birthday party.
Saved a lot of money and kids were fine with it
What a beautiful mother you have 💜
Thank you! It's true, she's great.
I'm pretty pleased that my son's school has a rule that if birthday invitations are handed out in class, everyone has to get one. No hurt feelings!
Personally, I have a fear that no one will show up to a kid's party so I make it a point to bring my son to every party he's invited to. Good thing that the boy loves himself a party!
I wouldn't invite everyone. Classes usually contain assholes in them
That's a lot of children to have over for a birthday party. When I was a kid, I'd have like 3 friends from school, a couple from extracurricular activities, and my cousins and sister at a birthday party. It was never more than 10 kids. Birthday parties can get expensive and hectic for parents, and I have no intention of inviting my kids' entire classes over for birthdays.
That said, I wouldn't be inviting 15 girls from the class and leaving out just 2 either. But I think it's absolutely fine and normal to only invite a few good friends to a birthday party.
When I was in elementary school you couldn’t talk about your birthday party unless you were inviting the whole class. Not everyone would come, but I guess it was still part of the nice gesture.
At my kids school, if you hand out invites at school, it has to be the whole class, or all the students the same gender as the child. So, we could invite all the students, or all the girls in my daughter's class. Now that she's old enough to get her friends' phone numbers, we have a bit more options.
Kid’s birthday parties are super expensive. Even if you’re just inviting the kids over to play in your backyard (assuming you have the means to live somewhere with a backyard) you have to feed them and buy a cake to feed everyone. Even delivery pizza for 30 kids is a lot. Often time doing things on the cheap means investing more time and if the parent(s) work a lot they may not have the time. Sometimes parents can only afford to entertain a few kids but still want to have a party. They should always teach their kids to be as inclusive as possible, and as thoughtful as possible when planning/inviting kids/talking about their party but the solution of inviting all of the kids isn’t necessarily achievable for everyone.
This is one of my biggest regrets as a kid. For my 10th birthday, I wanted to invite a bunch of kids for a pool party (about half the class), so my parents told me to invite the whole class so nobody’s left out.
Kept it a secret from my parents but I invited everyone except for 4 kids (they weren’t even bad kids, 10-year-old me just personally hated them and they didn’t even know it).
I could imagine how shit it would’ve felt when they found out the coming Monday with half the class talking about the party.
I feel this, a clasmate invtied the whole class to an end of the year 6th grade party except for me and one other girl because she didn't like us and openly said so. I didn't feel as shitty as I would have because I heard the party wasn't that fun anyways.
It’s also okay to interact with people who don’t share your interests. You may learn something, they may learn something, it shows that humans are diverse and gives an opportunity to tolerate others even when they may not be so tolerant themselves.
Am I the only one who got sad? I don't personally see how this is a made-me-smile moment... I'm not saying that the post doesn't belong here though, if it made others smile then why not. Maybe because I was once that bullied kid. On my 11th birthday, no one showed up... That was the last time I ever celebrated it.
If I were the parent of the nice kid, I'd be proud. And thinking of that makes me smile. But I'm with you, it makes me sad to think about a kid who only has one other student in school who is nice to them.
I can relate to the kid with one friend. It's not the worst, you really learn to appreciate the friends you have when you have few.
Been there. You know the classic situation where your "friends" accidentally let slip about the big plans that you had totally been excluded from? It's actually kind of funny when they try to spin it as your surprise birthday trip when you would have to take time off work.
Makes me think of the Tori Amos song 'Precious Things'
In my peach party dress
No one cared
No one dared
To tell me where the pretty girls are
With their nine inch nails and little fascist panties
Tucked inside the heart of every nice girl
We are working hard on it. But our 6 year old is an asshole. Not a bully, just an asshole.
Yeah, I’m sitting here thinking, “I’m trying!” I don’t think they’re too much of an asshole at school but man are they an asshole to me.
I don’t think people without kids realize how much of your kid’s personality is outside your control. I know I used to think I would have a lot more control over what my kid is like than I do.
We can do some things, but so much of what a kid is like has nothing to do with the parents.
You can realize how true this is with a little introspection. Just think how different your siblings are from you, even though you were raised by the same parents. Or how different you are from your parents.
Hello, person without kids here. I know this without even having kids. No need to condescend. The context of this conversation is people with kids telling other parents to teach their kids not to be assholes. Kindly leave the rest of us out of it.
Sorry if it came across as condescending, and obviously not all people without kids think this way. I was mostly speaking about my own experience, going from how I felt before I had kids to realizing how much is outside of my control after having kids. That is cool that you have been able to figure that out without being a parent.
You did not come across as condescending at all. No need to apologize.
Seemingly certain people in this thread are sensitive about your comment for no clear reason. Just because Maverick knew this doesn't mean everyone does. But for the record, I do not have kids and I for one found your insight enlightening.
I can see how it could come across as condescending, even though I wasn’t trying to be. It’s cool.
But yeah, I was mostly talking about my experience. I thought I would have a lot more control over what my kids would be like before I actually had them.
Did something like this for my 8th birthday in elementary school with an autistic classmate. Him and his mom were the first ones to show up and were the last to leave. At one point I found him crying in a corner with his mom comforting him. She later told me that I was the first person to ever invite him to a birthday party. Super heartwarming and humbling moment for me as a young kid.
Legit. I'm a single dad, the best compliment I've ever gotten as a parent. "Your daughter will not allow anyone to be sad. If she sees someone having a hard time, she leaves her seat to sit with them."
Why do you take that as a compliment? My kids are incredibly kind and caring too, when people tell me so I don’t take it as a compliment, I’m not taking credit for who they are, I had a little hand but they’re just naturally good people. Sounds like every time someone tells you your daughter is nice you take it as a personal compliment
Sounds like you have a talent for finding the worst take on things. I take it as a compliment because I'm proud she's kind. Also, I'm sad that as a parent all you view you've done is have a small hand in your children's values.
My children are their own people. I’m immensely proud of them and I’m bringing them up myself but the fact they’re amazing people isn’t down to me, they just are.
Congrats for having kids so amazing they'd be great no matter who raised them. We are all in awe.
Why are you even sarcastically congratulating me on something I have literally said is not down to me? I’m sure your daughter is also lovely and clearly other people think so too. I never said my kids were uniquely amazing, just that they were amazing. I don’t give my parents all the credit for the good parts of me (nor do I blame them for the bad parts of me), so why would I try to claim all the credit for my children being nice?
Why are you assuming I take all the credit for everything my kids do? Do you legit not understand I can believe she is wholly her own person, but I'm also very responsible for helping her grow? I am being sarcastic because I'm still a little amazed you took the time to say something as shitty as "I think you take credit for your daughter being nice." As if you think I am saying everything she is, is only because of me. And I'm unsure if you're just being holier than thou with your whole "my kids need no help they're just amazing." Or if you are legitamitely admitting the role you play in your kids lives is simply feeding and housing them. Do you really think you've had no hand what so ever in what your kids believe?
Birthday parties with just a best friend can actually be great experiences. When there are only two you can actually go out to places and do more fun stuff than with a big group (non pandemic times, of course.) This can also be more affordable for the parents, a win all around.
It's tough for assholes to teach their kids not to be assholes. Assholes often don't know they're assholes. Congrats to this person fpr raising a kind human being, it's a lot tougher than most people give credit for.
In 5th grade I was invited to this kid's birthday party. I didn't want to but his mom said she'd buy us gifts for anyone who went so I also thought maybe it'd be nice to see who else goes - he was a popularly picked on kid. I was a bystander to my friends who just made fun of him but never really got to know him.
I was the only kid who arrived.
He looked miserable until his mom pointed me out to him and he just lit up. The day was kind of fun. We went bowling, played video games, and got ice cream. I got to know a bit more about him and then we finally got the chance to get our toys as the gifts his mother promised us. In the end, I realized I went in for the wrong reasons. If I had cared about him, I would have known more and realized he's actually just a really good kid, just was a bit socially awkward. I'm mathmatically awkward, we're all awkward to some degree.
I learned how not to be a bystander anymore. Everyone deserves be understood.
I'm gonna be ass here but what if the birthday boy is actually mean to other kids?
I mean it's a possibility but we don't know one way or another so I'd rather just go with the post than assume the worst
Makes you smile both ways if you think about it.
Kids with high social anxiety may act out physically in an inappropriate way (not like a bully, though). This is something for adults to handle; it's not on the other kids.
Luckily social emotional learning is making its way to a lot of classrooms, and some of it uses cognitive behavioral strategies to help students reason through their emotions and come up with healthy ways to manage them.
I mention this because the child who attended the party may be particularly empathic, but to be relied upon as someone's only friend when you have lots of friends yourself can be draining, especially if the parents view you as the solution to the other child's social difficulties.
My 4 yo seems mostly normal, but he definitely struggles with appropriate social emotional behavior. He's got sensory processing issues and can get very upset, very easily, which usually means responding aggressively. For a while there he was the most popular in his preschool classroom (at least 2 parents said he was their kids' best friend). I'm worried he'll be that left out kid someday because of how he responds to things and the help he'll need in school.
I feel this. For me, I would mask my anxiety with anger or frustration because it was easier. It was argue or cry and I sure as hell wasn't crying in front of my school.
I'm gonna be ass here but what if the birthday boy is actually mean to other kids?
You ask a perfectly legitimate question. No need to be an ass to ask it.
The bullies are usually "popular" or at least their cronies turn up.
Usually, yes, but not always. The meanest kid in my elementary school had little to no friends. I don't remember that he actually had a friend, but I may have forgotten. I remember that he was very far from being popular though. Now that I'm an adult I feel sad for him because he was probably that way because of stuff going on at home. I know that his dad wasn't in the picture, maybe he redirected the anger he had for him.
Really? I'd say 50/50 and even then, like you said, it's not so much popular as having 2 cronies
What if the school burned down and these two kids did it?
Bday was just an alibi!
I never really got invited to things until High School. And I had been with the same people from Kindergarten to Senior year of HS.
I was once the only kid in attendance at a classmate’s birthday party when I was maybe 8/9 years old. He was “the other” at school: Indian immigrant, broken english, heavy accent, brought traditional food for lunch everyday, extra studious. He was a super nice kid and it didn’t seem to phase him that I was the only kid that came. I hope he is well :)
Word! I feel sorry for the birthday boy, but maybe years from now they can look back on this day and say that's where they became best friends.
When I was in fourth grade, I was in a split class (1/2 fourth grade and 1/2 fifth grade) and I was having my birthday party at Chuck E Cheez. I invited the whole class and only ONE person showed up. My little heart was so sad. My mom felt super bad for me and made it up to me with just her and I later on but it sucked. I was so thankful to that one girl, a fifth grader, who came. For years after that, I’d only enjoy my birthday with my mom and maybe one friend.
Those parents are assholes and they teach that to their kids and the cycle continues on and on.
Bit of a humble-brag, no?
Hugely, can’t believe you got downvoted. The poster even took the credit for their son being nice for themselves (teach your kids to be nice = I taught my kid to be nice)
This is sweet, but tbh, as a parent, it would creep me out a little to expect to be dropping my child at a party full of kids and realize he’s the only one who’s been invited. Seems like something that should have been communicated in advance to me. It’s probably fine, but I’d still stick around for a while just to make sure.
I was thinking something similar, but specifically that it's a huge risk for the birthday boy. Only invite one kid without communicating that to the parents? Families back out of things at the last minute all the time. If this really happened, it would likely have crushed that kid if his one invitee ended up not coming.
Post didn’t say he was actually the only kid they invited, but that he was the only kid the birthday boy wanted to invite (possibly because he knew nobody else would show up, or nobody else is nice to him).
I went back to the post to check. OP said their kid was the only other kid at the party. My guess is the rest of the people at the party were relatives of the birthday boy.
The last sentence made me cringe. Basically what this person is saying is “I’ve clearly been a wonderful parent. All of you need to try to do as well as I have.”
Better to have one real friend than a crowd of cronies.
At least the birthday boy's got good standards about who to be friends with 😊
From Kurt Vonnegut to Jesus...the take-away is "be kind!"
Biutta go kick some lil kids in the nards
Maybe not have a birthday party at all? We’re hoping our son eventually just wants to do something new...like visit a different place, do something new, taste food he’s never tried. Giving the gift of experiences rather than spending the money on parties.
That is awesome! It sounds like you are raising a wonderful little man!
Always keep this in mind
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" Matthew 22:37-39
Even if you are not religious always remember do everything you do in good heart and for good reason. Love your neighbor as yourself and they will (hopefully) love you in return.
I’d flip my shit if I was under the impression I was taking my kid to a part and it was a 1:1 thing. I’d leave- probably take my kid too.
Really? That's your take away from this?
Also a party can just be a few people. Personally kuddos to the kid for only inviting people who were nice to him instead of trying to invite everyone and trying to get people to like him because of a party.
This is a humble (or not so) brag. Downvote. 👎🏻
had me until the massive humblebag at the end
Just kick bullying in the ass
Man.. I was that classmate when I moved across the country as a kid. Moved right before my birthday so I knew no one, and hadn't gotten out of the new kid faze. They called me Beaver because my front teeth stuck out, but the one person who had taken the time to talk with me definitely was the light in that moment. Kids can be assholes if we teach them to be.
One usually goes through life finding one really true friend. This boy was lucky to find his at age 6
That’s very nice. I’m 50, my birthday is July 7, my Grampa’s was July 9, my aunt’s was July 6. I never, ever had a party. We had 4th of July and celebrated all birthdays w/1 cake, grampa’s choice, and a generic dog & burger grill. And loved it. Never dealt with invites or angst. And to this day, no matter the invites the kids get, which they happily attend, no kid in my family, including nieces and nephews...no matter the month....has ever had a classmate party. Ever. Youngest just turned 16 in pandemic..and we celebrated the same as we ever did w/one adjustment. Dinner of her choice, dessert of her choice, gifts. Only we had at my parents house, and we all wore masks, except for my dad, who sat in his normal seat, at least 10’ away from us while we ate. Then I wiped down house & sprayed Lysol in a fog as I backed out of house...& this all is a consciences choice. Kids are brutal and their parents are raising them that way. I’ve been to friends kids parties w/50 kids (day care, after school, classmates, neighbors, friends kids....family) and kids are mean to each other, excluding, demanding their goody bags, making a mess...and leave. I’ve had friend who invited 3 kids over for a sleep over on a Friday night..a boy stayed all weekend. His parents didn’t call to say they were coming to get him until 6 pm on Sunday. Saturday morning she asked kid when his parents were coming and he said...I don’t know, they were going to my grandparents. Who live out of state. The other 2 kids left after dinner on Saturday. No explanations from any of the parents, though they did thank her for “watching” their child. And this was just his 3 best friends. She gave up class parties when a kid told another kid he was glad he was in so and so’s class this year because his parents were rich and threw good parties...not because of any desire to be friends with him. So yeah...no class parties for us. Friends, actual friends, and family only.
Sarcasm & humor. Relax dude.
And I’m crying
So simple. So true.
THIS right here! Love this! 🙌🙌🥰🙌🙌
Asshole kids are a direct reflection of their parents.
I'd agree that's often true, but not always. Former teacher here, and I've seen plenty of jerk kids with absolutely nice siblings and parents.
I am not crying, you are!
Started out sad, ended with a sad smile.