u/dogibacsi 502 points · 20 hours ago 🔗

Actually, neither are very good phrases. In nonviolent communication (NVC) you communicate by separating observations, feelings, needs and requests.

So if you're a practitioner of NVC, you can't make assumptions about others. A full, emotional conversation would be like this:

A: I see that your body language is different somehow (observation). I am curious as to why (feeling), because it is important to me that I know you're okay (need). Will you tell me what's on your mind? (request).

B: When you said that I shouldn't wear these types of clothes (observation), I felt ridiculed (feeling). I am insecure about my body and I need validation to feel good, otherwise my self-hate turns on. (need) Can you please not say this again? (request).

A: Absolutely, I'm sorry I said that.

This is a very academic example per se because this requires incredible self-awareness from both parties to work. More often than not, especially in relationships we play games but if we want to grow we need to be able communicate respectfully and in a non-violent way.

It's not your job to judge if someone is sensitive, or if they are overreacting. If I say something to my girlfriend and she misinterprets my words which in turns end up hurting her, I can't take responsibility for the feeling of hurt because I didn't do it. But I can take responsibility to say all those words. And because I value the relationship, now I understand that if I say X in a specific way, then she will feel hurt. Now I can decide if I can say things differently or if what I said was really necessary thing to say. But this takes two people. It needs both of you to keep working on saying/doing less things that you know will have a negative impact on the other while making sure you make crystal clear requests on what you want the other to do / not do.

Edit: formatting

u/chellejohn 3.2K points · 15 hours ago 🔗

I always apologize to my kids if I've done something wrong. I can't expect them to do so if I don't do it myself. I always promised myself I'd never be a hypocrite when it comes to my children.

u/joe-seppy 47 points · 18 hours ago 🔗

Agree 100%. Instead, to "honor" the family thing (if you feel the need) establish something like a 10% or 25% "family discount" if you want their business, or a 25% upcharge if you don't!

LPT: if you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see “call failed” instead of “call ended”.
LPT: Your cover letters purpose is to explain how your previous experience makes you ready for the job. "I can do x because I did y." At the same time you explain you understand the job. Then the CV becomes just "proof" of that. Careers & Work
u/ShambolicShogun 827 points · 1 day ago 🔗

For opinions only, maybe. I don't trust most of you goofy bastards.

[LPT] You Don't Hate Vegetables -- You Hate the way your Parents (Over)Cooked Vegetables Food & Drink

A lot of people don't know how to cook or season vegetables apart from steaming them, maybe with a little salt or butter/oil. Steaming is easy to overdo, and works best with very fresh seasonal veggies - anything that is frozen, canned, or even just spent more than a few days on the shelf will most likely wind up mushy and unappealing. Learn how to grill, roast, or even fry different vegetables, try out different seasonings or sauces, and be amazed at the horizons of deliciousness ten-year-old you never knew existed.

EDIT: Apparently this is a sore subject with some people! You *PROBABLY* don't hate vegetables, but individual tastes and physiologies differ of course. No one should ever be harassed over allergy or sensory processing issues. The point is to learn to cook things different ways before you write them off. Sorry that people have given you a hard time about this, but if your reply begins with "my mom/dad/wife/etc does know how to cook" and not "I know how to cook" then the source of the issue is pretty clear.

EDIT 2: Holy crap, that's a lot of awards. Thank you all, and I discovered the real LPT, which is that people with food limitations know exactly what does and doesn't work for them and often share lovely tips for alternative ingredients and techniques, while picky eaters tell you to f--- off.

LPT: Texans, you are about to experience the worst potholes many of you have ever seen. Make sure your tire pressure is correct for your vehicles, drive slowly, give plenty of distance between your vehicle and the one in front of you, and don't trust puddles. Love from Michigan. Miscellaneous
u/redgumdrop 5.3K points · 2 days ago 🔗

Or end it like a normal person not wuss.

Edit: thank you all for awards.

As many of you pointed, you don't have to end call rudely but this way you won't immediately get called back. And trust me, I have bro with this issue and if I just ended call like this he would just call me back in a few seconds so I know the pain.

LPT we all know about CTRL + C, CTRL + V. But how about WIN + V instead of CTRL + V. It brings up the clippboard and lets you paste anything that has been copied previously. Super useful when copypasting different stuff multiple times. Productivity
LPT: Need new light bulbs? Cables? Adapters? Bring the old one with you to the store. Electronics

Unless you’ve worked in home repair or computers/tech, chances are you don’t have the different types of these items memorized. If you bring it to the store, the employees can not only help you find the same one, but can even help you identify more efficient bulbs, better made cables, more versatile adapters, etc.

These can help save you money, work for their intended purpose for much longer, and just save you the headache and worry of buying the wrong products.

ETA: this works for auto parts and machinery as well as a lot of other things, this isn’t just for bulbs and cables.

u/Za50 11 points · 1 day ago 🔗

Three important rules for breaking up Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to prolonging the situation only makes it worse tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly. Don't make a big production. Don't make up an elaborate story. This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene. If you want to date other people say so. Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected. Even if you've gone together for only a short time and haven't been too serious there's still a feeling of rejection When someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company, but if you're honest, and direct and avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news the boy will respect you for your frankness and honestly he'll appreciate the kind and straightforward manner in which you told him your decision. Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you'll remain friends.

LPT: keep your mouth shut, and don't volunteer information Careers & Work

I had a phone interview scheduled this morning, but accidentally slept through it. When I got up and saw that I missed it, I had the desperate urge to call and offer up excuses, in the hope that maybe, just maybe, they'd be understanding and give me another chance.

Instead, all I did was apologize and ask if we could reschedule. That's it, one sentence, no additional information, no explanation or excuse as to why I missed the first interview.

They replied within 20 minutes, apologizing to ME, saying it was probably their fault, that they'd been having trouble with their computer system for days, and of course I could reschedule, was I available that afternoon?

Don't ever volunteer information, kids. You never know what information the other party has, and you can always give information if asked for it later.

Edit: I still get notifications when people comment. Keep them coming, I'm glad I've helped you out :)

LPT: It is important to know when to stop arguing with people, and simply let them be wrong. Social

You don't have to waste your energy everytime.

LPT: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. That way when you receive spam/advert emails, you will know who sold your info.
LPT: If you want a smarter kid, teach your child to read as early as possible and instill in them a love for books. Because as soon as they can read, they can teach themselves. And that will be a life-long advantage over their peers who don't have that same ability. Miscellaneous
LPT: Your company didn’t know you existed before you applied and won’t notice you when you’re gone. Take care of yourself. Careers & Work

That’s it.

u/Sijora 2.21K points · 2 months ago 🔗

I was raised with chores not being a punishment or a thing you do for a reward. They are just a thing you do. No excuses. As a mature human child or adult you take care of yourself and the area at which you live. No excuses. It made things that were tedious or annoying just be a thing to check off the list every week. And made some of the actions almost enjoyable or meditative. Everyday after work I come home and do the dishes. Just as a reflex. It gives me time to switch into home mode and the running water and white noise just lets me wash the day off me physically and mentally. And then if I have anything I need to discuss with my partner it’s given me ample time to collect my thoughts and process any emotions that come with them so I don’t over load my partner in case their day was stressful.

Edit: thank you for all the awards. This is my first time receiving them so I don’t know what to say. But thank you to all who commented I wish everyone a happy holidays!

Edit 2: some people mentioned how do you get kids to learn to do chores or clean up after themselves without punishment or reward. And the answer is depends... haha. Some kids will understand and process things through a positive reinforcement and some will through a negative reinforcement. If you can help it it’s better just to develop a routine habit so it’s not something they have to actively think about doing or not. And you can start by example. If you’re showing them how to take care of your home and you actively invite them to help and join in. Most people will naturally want to help/ be included. Especially kids, if you make it fun. And with kids you can disguise almost anything into a game.

I also find it very helpful to explain why. Most people even kids run off some form of logic. And if you can rationalize why some action is valuable or beneficial to them and can show the results of that action. It makes it much easier to reinforce that type of behavior.

u/auriumius 3.43K points · 2 days ago 🔗

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

u/Masol_The_Producer 159 points · 2 days ago 🔗

or just masturbate yourself to sleep.

LPT: if a friend or a family member gets diagnosed with dementia or alzheimer, in the early stages try to find out what their favorite songs of all time are. In this way you would be able to create a playlist for them that could be of great benefit in the later stages of the disease.

Music helps dementia patient recall memories and emotions. Especially when specific songs are connected to previous parts of their lives.

u/HelloGuest 1.6K points · 3 days ago 🔗

How long should a cover letter be? One paragraph? Two? A full 'letter'?

LPT: To avoid hating/disliking someone, remember that people are who they are because often the world made them to be so.

Every once in a while we come across someone who might prompt us with hate or dislike whenever they behave in a certain way that rubs us off the wrong way. It could be because they're being insensitive, rude, overbearing, and so on...

But it may be beneficial to remember that something could have happened in their lives that made them the person they are. They're being insensitive? It's likely they weren't paid much attention to by people who are supposed to be close to them in their lives so they don't know how not to be. They're being aggressive and controlling? Perhaps life has knocked them down many times so the only way they can get up to face the world is by behaving that way. They're being inconsiderate? Perhaps they've tried being not to, but life made it so that they were disadvantaged because of it.

Or they could have had a bad day, bad week, bad year and you would have no idea what the world has presented to them. Often times, people are who they are because the world made them to be so and there is no one single person to blame.

But thinking this way doesn't mean that you have to be their saviour and persist in taking in their negative behaviors, should there be any. Thinking this way doesn't stop you from distancing yourselves away from them if need be, not due to hate or dislike, but rather with empathy and compassion from a distance.

LPT : If you are asked to create an account in order to continue browsing a website, hit F12 and click on the dim area, this would select it and you can delete it with DEL key, hit F12 again and resume your browsing. Computers

This only affects the display on your browser, but it's a simple way to bypass the infuriating "create an account" or GTFO situation on shitty websites when you just need quick info

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

There is some amazing tips in the comment section, it's not easy to edit them in on mobile, I'll mention the best ones once i'm home.

Edit 2 : Here are some other tips from the comment section that are IMO even better than mine

/u/reversedfate : In Chrome, press Ctrl+Shift+c, to instantly select elements.

/u/browndizzle and /u/Bloorim : I prefer to right click and say F*ck it. Glorious extension here: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/fck-overlays/ppedokobpbdajgiejhnjfbdjlgobcpkp

/u/DaughterEarth : Easier is to right click the offending bit, choose inspect element, hit delete, then escape

/u/lookatmemomnospans : Command+Shift+C For MAC users

/u/squidgod2000 : Behind the Overlay Chrome extension—very useful: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/behindtheoverlay/ljipkdpcjbmhkdjjmbbaggebcednbbme

LPT: Want to be more charismatic? Don't try to be more impressive or entertaining, focus on being a very good engaged listener. Engaged listeners make eye-contact, ask questions to bring the speaker out, and don't interject with their own stories or change the conversation to be about them. Social